The home stretch

There are only two more weigh-ins before the end of the Largest Loser competition...so here's where I stand...

As I expected, I'm not in the running to win the $1000 prize for losing the largest % of body weight...but I'm no longer frustrated by my results relative to the two women that are leading the charge (each has lost over 27% of their original weight - 70+ pounds in 5 months!)

I weighed in this morning at 276.8 lbs, down 42 lbs (13.5% of my original weight). I feel fantastic and have hit my stride, losing more weight more consistently in the last 6 weeks than I did in any other part of the program (14.6 lbs in 6 weeks).

This experience has surpassed my expectations and changed me in ways I didn't anticipate - including my attitudes towards food. I have a shot at hitting 270 by the end of the competition and am looking forward to being below 250 by my birthday in April.

Wow.

Two last thoughts:

First, you owe it to yourself to read Michael Pollan's "In defense of food" and "The omnivore's dilemma" (or, as I've done, listen to the audio CD's in the car while driving to/from work). I guarantee it will change the way you eat, and you'll be happier for it.

Second, I was asked to write a short summary of my Largest Loser experience for use at work...here's my rough draft:

Quote to live by: “Do not be encumbered by history. Go off and do something
wonderful.” – Robert Noyce

In the 25 years since I graduated from
high school I’ve accomplished a lot: cooking school, becoming a professional
chef, grad school, husband, father, homeowner, and reinvented myself as a
software engineer. Still, despite all the things I’d demonstrated I was
capable of, I was convinced that controlling my weight was something beyond my
ability. Once my weight got over 300 lbs I began referring to myself as
“fat” – in an effort to be honest with myself, even if I didn’t think I was ever
going to change.

This summer, that began to change. It
started at the end of a meeting, when I saw the Circuit article for the Intel
Folsom Largest Loser competition. A friend looked over my shoulder and
said, “So, Rich…when are you going to apply?”. I had to admit it would be
irresponsible not to apply – Intel was providing too many resources to ignore
the opportunity. Internally, I figured I’d never have another opportunity
like this: counseling, peer support, education, facilities, and all free and
conveniently located. I filled out the application, reviewed it with my
wife and some friends, applied, and was surprised, pleased, and frightened to
find that I’d been selected. Time to put up or shut up.

There
were four distinct phases to my Largest Loser experience. In the first
month everything was new and exciting. I dropped a bunch of weight
immediately and was encouraged. In the next month I found that the new and
exciting wore off, results stalled, and I found myself wanting to sleep late
instead of getting up early to exercise. Talking about this with my peers
and wellness coach, and knowing that people would take note of my absence kept
me coming in. I got through this phase and settled in to new habits.
As I entered the third month I found that I looked forward to the workouts and
went out of my way to ensure that I didn’t miss them. The weight loss
continued, though inconsistent, but I found myself confident that I was doing
the right things, in control, and certain that weight loss wasn’t a matter of
“if”, but “when”. Coming in to the last two months, I’m picking up
momentum, losing weight faster, and more consistently than ever. I’ve
figured out what works best for me, both in terms of results and
sustainability.

Being a Loser has been a transformational
experience. My hard work coupled with resources generously provided by
Intel and the unwavering support of my friends, family, coworkers, and fellow
Losers have had an impact that I couldn’t have foreseen. I expected to
lose weight, and to make lasting changes in my lifestyle. I didn’t expect
to find a fundamental shift in my attitude…not just to my weight, but to life in
general. I feel stronger, happier, and more confident than I ever
have. Thanks, Intel, and everyone else who has offered encouragement along
the way. I cannot adequately express my gratitude.

An epiphany of sorts

...feeling a little grumpy because I clicked away from a blog that I'd been writing for 20 minutes and lost everything...grumble grumble. No autosave? what's with that?

Sigh.

Ok...the first version was probably pretty wordy anyway (I'm like that...I know) so here's the reader's digest version:

1. I love my bodybugg; it's not necessarily accurate when measuring my caloric burn, but it is consistent
2. I'm confident that despite my best intentions and efforts, I'm not very accurate when recording my caloric intake (the bodybugg site says that people are often off by 25-40%), but my hunch that like like the 'bugg, I'm consistent
3. While my recorded caloric deficits (intake - output) don't jive with my results, I know a "good week" when I see one

So...today I fired up my handy-dandy spreadsheet and started copying in my daily deficits for the last 7 weeks. I calculated weekly sums and compared that number with my recorded weight loss/gain for that week.

Ta-da! Behold, the numbers suddenly make sense. Over the last 7 weeks, every single time I showed a total deficit of 10,000 or more, I lost weight. And when I fell short, I gained weight or heald steady.

So there you have it - 10k. This week, I'm testing the theory. I got off to a slow start and need to burn up 3400 calories over wed/thurs (wed's only 29 minutes away from being over and i've tallied 2000) and I'll hit the magical 10k number. I'll hit it - no problem. Looking forward to Friday morning's weigh-in to validate my theory (also looking forward to filling in the rest of the weeks over lunchtime to see if my new theory holds true for every week...i'm betting it does).

This is really exciting for me - it puts a solid target in front of me & quantifies what a "good week" is. Now it's not a gut feeling...it's a number.

Suddenly I feel a lot more in control of my results - looking forward to a string of 10k's to finish off the Largest Loser program. I'm gonna kick thanksgiving's ass.

You're never too old...

...for your mom to nag you! [:)]

I have been in the habit of posting my Largest Loser blogs externally too - so that my family and non-Intel friends can follow my progress. So...I came to work this morning, checked my email, and sure enough, there's a note from my mom saying,

"Time to update your blog. You're still ranting and raving on it. You're
down 10 lbs since your last blog.
Mom"

LOL

I love my mom...she's so rarely wrong. And she's living proof that people can change. A few years ago, my mom was a certified "technophobe", barely able to use a computer. Now she's on facebook and reminding me that I haven't blogged in a while.

What does this have to do with anything? Lots. First, people can change. No, really. I mean it. When the Largest Loser competition started I felt thoroughly and completely powerless and defeated regarding my weight. I've managed to do a lot of cool stuff through hard work and determination, but despite all my successes, I had zero confidence in my ability to take control of my weight and wellness.

But like I said, people change. I certainly have. About 6-8 weeks into the Largest Loser competition I noticed a change in my attitude. I've lost over 25 lbs so far (from 319 to 294) and am absolutely certain that I won't be putting that weight back on. Ever. Why am I so confident? Because I've gotten this far by making changes I can live with. I've got a risk-mitigation approach to this whole process. Others are making (much) bigger gains; I'm focused on doing only those things that I can comfortably do forever. I've found that MWF morning workouts fit nicely into my schedule, and I'm not denying myself anything when it comes to food - just being honest with myself about what I'm eating and owning responsibility for making sure I'm on target for my daily caloric intake. If my wife makes snickerdoodles (she has) and I want some (I do!) then I need to eat a little bit lighter throughout the day (I have).

So...if you're reading this and are feeling like you just can't do anything about your wellness, I hope this puts a crack or two into the walls you've put up. I used to feel intimidated by an ideal weight that was 75 lbs away. Now I can say with confidence, "25 lbs down, only 50 to go". Only 50. I'll be there by mid-year at the latest.

Oh...and I'm only 13 lbs away from my skiiing weight. Should be skiing with my kids by winter break.

Don't be encumbered by the past. Go out and do something wonderful!

Begin rant

Oh, for God's sake, what the hell is going on here? AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!.

End rant

Ok...got that off my chest. For those faithful readers out there that weren't in FM2 this morning for the weigh-in, I stepped on the scale and was rewarded with 301.6...which is exactly the same weight I was at 2 weeks ago...and about 4 lbs more than last week.

Ugh.

For the last 4 weeks my weight has been bouncing around all over the place. It's annoying as hell...and has gotten me pissed off about it, which, for me, is a good thing.

Ok...first, my bountiful list of excuses and justifications:

1. I went to Disneyland and drank a ton of diet soda & ate a bag of sunflower chips (sodium intake spikes, gain water weight as a result)
2. Got back into drinking water when I returned to work (sodium intake goes down, shed water weight)
3. Forgot to take my blood pressure medication yesterday (it's a diuretic...skipping it makes me retain water weight)
4. The sun was in my eyes
5. There's a hole in my glove

Ok...now some admissions:

1. I have not yet completed our trainer's weekly homework assignment to do 50 crunches, push-ups, and squats each day on the weekend.
2. I only met my calorie intake goal three days last week.
3. I missed my net calorie target twice last week

.....

ok...just got back from a walk from 4th floor FM7 to 4th floor FM6 and back (311 calories burned )

So...I had a rant, made some excuses, got honest with myself about my behavior, and took a walk to burn off some stress. What's next?

First, pat myself on the back for...well...not self-correcting, but at least self-diagnosing. Second, another pat on the back for all the work that got me this far. Third, a kick in the arse, which seems necessary at this point. Now that I'm good & pissy about where I'm at, I'm committing to doing all of the following:

1. Meet or exceed my caloric burn target daily for a week, starting today
2. Be at or under my caloric burn target daily for a week, starting today
3. Increase the intensity of my M/W/F workouts (time to add a few pounds to my weight lifting routine)
4. Do my 50/50/50 assignment on saturday and sunday
5. Walk the FM6-FM7 circuit at least once each day, M-F
6. Eat a piece of carrot cake tonight
   

Some of you may be wondering about number 5. At first glance, it seems stupid and/or counterproductive. Here's my thinking - I think a big part of my problem has been making excuses about why I'm eating more than my daily target of calories. So today I'm demonstrating for myself that I can have my cake and eat it too . I'm gonna eat a piece of cake, wash it down with a glass of milk, log my calories, and by God, I'm hitting my caloric target too. I had a light breakfast and lunch today, I've got plenty of calories left over to accomodate a snack, dinner, and dessert.

I think I relaxed a bit...started taking my weight loss for granted a bit. As I like to say, it's time for me to "get your head in the game or get off the field!"

Bottom line - for me, or anyone else out there that feels like progress towards their own wellness goals has stalled - now is not the time to be discouraged, or to entertain thoughts of defeat. Now is the time to take action - take an honest look at what you're doing and figure out what you're going to do differently. Because you already know what you're going to get out of what you're doing now!

"Don't be encumbered by the past, go out and do something wonderful!"

-Robert Noyce

still losing...

I haven't posted in a few weeks (I'm finding that consistently posting on a weekly basis is harder for me than the weight loss). Lots of thoughts about what's happened:

Of all the resources provided to to us by Intel, our merry band of Largest Loser contestants may be the best. Why? Well, while technically we're in a competition, we're a tremendously supportive bunch...and even when we're not cheering each on (or cheering each other up) we're sharing experiences...and knowing that other folks are going through the same frustrations and challenges that I am is a HUGE help. Some specific examples:

"Reset expectations" I started off thinking that I could lose 2-3 lbs/week, but my actual results show that after the first couple weeks of the program I'm pretty consistently losing "only" 1 lb/week. My first reaction to this realization was disappointment and frustration. But another "Loser" said something in our wellness coaching session a few weeks ago that's helped me - Stacey talked about changing his expectations regarding "success" in the program.

With that in mind, I realized that even at 1 lb/week, I'm losing weight at a pace that's 10 times faster than the rate at which I was previously gaining weight. Better yet, I'm convinced that my current eating and excercise patterns are sustainable. So...I'm doing two things about my pace of weight loss. First, I'm changing my behavior a bit, shaving off a few calories each day and adding a short walk at lunch time in an effort to lose weight faster. Second, I'm adjusting my attitude - adopting a sustainable lifestyle that has me losing 1 lb/week isn't something to be disappointed about.

Encouragement When I weighed in after a vacation in Disneyland, my weight ticked up 1.5 lbs despite my success in hitting (or beating) my activity and eating targets. I was chatting with a John about this (and venting my frustration & disappointment) and he suggested that my weight gain was likely due to water gain - while on vacation I drank a lot of diet soda (high in sodium) and a bag of sunflower seeds. His theory seemed likely, and gave me hope that getting back in the habit of drinking lots of water (and little soda) would cause the weight to drop back off.

Sure enough, it worked! The next week my weight went down by 4 lbs (yay!). John helped me in two ways - he helped me get through the disappointment & frustration, and helped me understand how important it is to drink water instead of soda (which is bad for a whole lot of reasons). I'm now working on phasing out diet sodas in vavor of iced tea (not tackling caffeine just yet).

"I can't do push-ups" One of the other Losers mentioned during the morning workouts that she "couldn't do push-ups"...meaning push-ups that are hands and toes, not hands and knees. That didn't sound right to me - partly because we've been at this for a while and all of us are noticeably stronger - and also because I didn't like hearing one of my loser buddies say, "I can't". John and I picked up on her comments and insisted that she could - certainly she could do one.

With a little coaching on form from the two of us, she managed a push-up. And when I checked in with her again on Monday, she reported that she'd been doing them over the weekend. Only a single pushup each time, but that's something to build on. As a group, we do a great job of pushing & inspiring each other, directly and indirectly.


I don't want to suggest that it's been all rainbows and unicorns...but this is working...and what I'm seeing in myself and hearing/reading from others is behavior changes that are starting to become our new normal, and a sense of optimism regarding our long-term health prospects. That's a huge change, and it's why collectively, and individually, I think we rock.

----------------------------------------

....that's what I posted internally today...for those that are looking for hard numbers, my weight as of last friday is 301.5, down from 319. My body fat percentage has dropped to 32% from 38%, all over the last 8 weeks. My current progress suggests that at worst, I'll be at 285 around christmas time. That's over 30 lbs shaved off...wow.

Blunders, successes, and whatnot

It's been an interesting week or so since I last blogged. I've had a few ups & downs and have some stories to tell...hopefully there's something useful in here that helps someone else.

Stupid Menu Tricks

Last Friday my wife and I dropped the kids off at a birthday party (yay!) and headed to Islands for dinner. I'd worked out in the morning and ate conservatively throughout the day and as a result, I knew that I had plenty of calories to spare and could reasonably expect to enjoy a burger guilt-free. And I was right. But nothing's ever easy...so here's what happened: I grabbed the nutritional info sheet when we sat down and quickly saw that the regular burger was about 850 calories...sliders (on the appetizer menu) were "only 750". Milkshakes were about 500 calories...and fries were about 450. Ok...order the sliders to shave off a couple, and get fries and a milkshake. That's about 1700 calories, which happens to be what i had left for the day. Perfect! The punchline? The sliders were 750 calories per serving and you get two servings...so 750 turned into 1500 calories. Similar problem for the fries - a plate of fries is 5 servings....I shared them with my wife, but I probably ate 3 portions...so that's 1300 calories of fries.

Ugh. My spirits sank after dinner as I looked more closely at the nutritional info and started writing down what I had eaten. As a result of not reading the nutritional info more carefully I ended up doubling the 1700 calories I expected...what had been a great day of burning calories turned into a barely break-even day. I was angry, disappointed and frustrated...and it felt like the entire day was a waste. So...word to the wise: read the nutritional info, but read closely...and be especially wary of appetizers, which may be multiple servings. Days later, I'm still a bit grumpy with myself about this, but I'm chalking it up to experience. Lesson learned. And hey, I feel a helluva lot better than I did three weeks ago. So it's not the end of the world.

Wellness vision, revisited

One good thing that came out of the Burger of Doom is refinement of my wellness vision. In last week's wellness coaching session, we shared our vision statements and I realized that mine needed a lot of work. I had good ideas, but needed to boil my "wellness vision in story form" down into simple bullet points. Cara and I worked on that during dinner...here's what we came up with:

• I role-model physical and emotional wellness for my friends and family
• I am proud of who I am and where I’m going
• I engage in outdoor activities regularly
• I am free of weight-related illness
• I make decisions that actively improve my wellbeing

Better! I'll be reviewing this with my wellness coaches and fellow Losers later today...and will probably refine this just a bit more. But already this gives me a way to define myself that I can be committed to today and work towards continuously.

Frustration

When I weighed in last friday I found that my weight had ticket UP half a pound...but I also took a body fat reading and after crunching the numbers saw that it looked like I had burned off 1 lb of fat and put on 1.5 lbs of muscle. So that's a healthy weight gain and consistent with my goals. That's the conclusion I came to on Friday, and my attitude held up for a couple days...but by early this week I was feeling emotionally down about my weight despite my intellectual analysis. It's hard not to get fixated on the weight number. I want badly to be able to say that I've dropped below 300lbs for the first time in...5 years? 7? So even if gaining weight is good from a long-term perspective, I was really down.

The good news: my wife is great.

I shared my frustration with Cara and she gave me a hug...and pointed out that she's very familiar with how my body looks and feels...and she's noticed a big difference. She pointed out the changes she can see and feel and that helped a bit. It at least reinforced my initial reaction to the weight gain. But because I'm stubborn, I clung to the grumpiness. I'd worked up a good grump and wasn't going down easy! Since then I've taken a close look at my shoulders, arms, and belly...and Cara made me look at the pictures we've been taking of my progress. And while I still am disappointed that my weight ticked up a tad, I have to admit that Cara's right...I'm looking better...and feeling better. Heck, I even noticed today that I've reclaimed a notch on my belt!

More good news: I have a temper!

No...really...it's a good thing. You just have to know how to outsmart yourself. And I'm good at that! Wednesday morning during the workout I made myself mad and let the pent up frustration work FOR me. On the treadmill, walking on an incline as usual, I got mad and said to myself, "what the hell?! Other people can run...get your @ss in gear!" The result: I bumped up the pace for 4 1-minute jogs (5 mph) which got my heart pumping hard but felt satisfying. And because I still wasn't satisfied, I added a 30-second run (6 mph) at the end of two of the jogs. It was hard, and it was tiring, but it felt great to make myself GO! And after 3 weeks of walking regularly, I was suprised and excited to see how doable it was.

I did more of the same while lifting weights. I was working my arms and tiring and decided to get mad about it. "You should be able do do this!" I told myself...so I got mad at myself and pushed harder...and sure enough, it worked! There's something about drawing on some emotional energy that makes it possible to do a bit more. I suppose this is a smaller version of stories you hear about mothers picking up & moving big stuff that's fallen on their kids. Ask them afterwards and they'll tell you they don't know how they did it...and they're clearly unable to do it on demand. But get some adrenaline flowing and good things can happen.

Blah, blah blah...what about food stuff?

No recipes to share today - we didn't do any "interesting" cooking that I can think of since the last time I blogged. But here are my thoughts regarding things that everyone should have in their kitchen...and why:

1. Kitchenaide mixer (or any other heavy-duty stand mixer)
   These are amazing tools - they don't help you lose weight or cut calories, but they make lots of things easier to do - like knead bread dough, or pasta dough...mix cookie dough (in moderation!) or mash potatoes. Trust me. I've never heard anyone be anything other than happy with their Kitchenaide mixer.
2. Immersion blender (aka "Blender on a stick")
   It's not as easy to make a compelling case for the Blender on a Stick as it is the kitchenaide...but they're only about $40 and super handy for making creamy soups...which, by the way, needn't be prohibitively caloric (note to self: post recipes for basic soups)...blending soups in a regular blender can result in an explosion of soup...air pulled down into the hot liquid quickly expands, and can blow the top of the blender taking lots of hot liquid with it, creating a mess...and possibly burning hands. Don't ask me how I know this. I just do.
3. Good knives
   Invest $100 in an 8-inch chef's knife made of high-carbon stainless steel from Solingen, Germany. Wustof and Henckles are good brands...there are others. You'll never buy another knife again, and never need to. This particular kind of steel...from this location, is generally considered to be the finest in the world for cutlery. It's what every professional I know uses. The knives hold an edge well and when they get dull, you can get them sharpened for free at the meat counter of your local Raleys or Bel Aire. And you want your knives to BE AS SHARP AS POSSIBLE! Why? Because cuts from a sharp knife are almost always shallower, hurt less, and heal faster. Sharp knives don't require much pressure, and they cut cleanly. If you're working with a dull knife you'll have to use a lot more force to get the knife through what you're cutting...and if it slips, you'll be putting that energy into your hand...and dull knives don't cut, they tear. Trust me. Knives are supposed to be sharp by their very definition. If your knife isn't sharp you might as well be using a pointed stick. Harrumph!
4. Cheap knives
   One exception to the rule is paring knives. They should be sharp, sure...but honestly, I haven't noticed much difference between a cheap $10 paring knife (3" long or so) and my expensive Wustof paring knife. The biggest reason is that you use paring knives with smaller things that are easier to cut. You're not asking it to do much work, so you don't get the same bang-for-buck that you do out of your chef's knife.
5. V-slicer
   You've probably seen these on an infomercial or two...and really, they're fantastic. Don't bother using one with a tomato...after a couple uses they won't be sharp enough to do the job right. But if you want to make a cucumber salad or have really thinly sliced onions or potatoes, this is the tool for the job. And they only cost $20. If you're a nut (like me) you can blow $150 on a mandoline slicer...they're uber-adjustable, have removable blades that can be sharpened, and can take a nice chunk out of your thumb (don't ask me how I know)...but 99% of the time, the cheap plastic V-slicer does the job just fine.
6. Digital kitchen scale
   If you're counting calories or doing serious baking, then you need to be able to weigh things accurately. A good digital scale will give you results in ounces or grams, accurate to 0.1 ounces or 1g. Can't live without one. I've also got an old-fasioned scale...but it rarely comes off the shelf.
7. Good pans
   Hard-anodized aluminum pans (like the Calphalon brand) are great. Stainless steel is nice too, but require diligent cleaning to keep them pretty. Either way, you want a thick pan that retains heat well and conducts heat evenly to avoid hotspots and scorching. Costco's kirkland brand are perfectly acceptable and reasonably priced. Invest in your pans and you'll be rewarded.
8. Cheap non-stick pans
   There's a dirty little secret about non-stick pans. A couple of them actually...first, any non-stick pan is destined to be thrown away because non-stick finishes eventually wear off or at least become less effective over time. Second, the best "non-stick" pan I own is my cast-iron skillet (no teflon there!) and third, when used properly, ANY pan will be non-stick. Still, teflon pans are handy tools for the kitchen. They make it easy to cook with little (notice, I didn't say "no") fat and it's easy to keep stuff from sticking to them. But don't buy an expensive non-stick pan. Get something inexpensive...a restaurant supply store is a great resource. Buy one, use it, and then toss it when the finish starts to wear out.

That's all for now. Recipes next time...I promise :)

Results!

Two things today...first, results!

I weighed in on friday and got some wonderful feedback: 307.8 lbs. For those of you keeping score at home, that's 11.4 lbs lower than my starting weight (and a helluva lot less than 328 earlier in the year!).

Before you get concerned about me dropping that much weight in 2 weeks, a disclaimer: I'm reasonably sure that 1/3 of that is water weight (I was well-hydrated when I initially weighed in...and friday's weigh-in was in the morning after 30 min on the treadmill)...the other 2/3 of the weight agrees with my net caloric burn over the same period. So figure it's 7 or 8 lbs of real weight dropped...that's still a pretty big number, but not a big surprise for the beginning of this program.

So far, it looks like I'm settling into a pattern that I'm pretty comfortable with, and feel good about sustaining: MWF (workout days) net about -1500 calories; TTh net about -1000 calories...and on the weekend, it's looking like I'll hit the -1000 target on one day and miss it on another. At 3500 calories/lb for fat, that adds up to 2lbs/week. That's a number I can live with - both in terms of being happy about my progress and being able to sustain it long-term (remembering that I don't expect to be done with the weight loss when the Largest Loser program ends).

Ok...that's that. And now, for all my non-intel friends, here's my latest blog post from my internal blog at work:

Last week in our wellness coaching session we discussed "wellness" and came up with a working definition that our group is using:

Mind/heart/body in alignment…dreams/desires/passions match
reality

Physically empowered – not restricted. “Can do
attitude”

Physical health:

· Maximize potential

· Free from ailment

· Full mobility

Sense of wellbeing

· Happy where I am

· Body/self image

· Positive outlook

· Feel good

Perception matches
reality

This week's assignment is to create a wellness vision statement. applying the definition above, describe what I want from my own health/wellness. What does it look like, feel like? What excites me about moving foarward and what makes it important to me?

I'll address each of the 5 themes in turn:

Mind/heart/body in alignment…dreams/desires/passions match reality

I have a personal goal to walk the John Muir trail - as both a tribute to my late Great-Uncle and as a personal challenge. I'm certain that this would be a bad idea given my current health, but I can see myself in the future both wanting to do this and being physically capable of doing so...and at that point, the only obstacle is scheduling (and hey, isn't that what sabbaticals are for?)

Physically empowered – not restricted. “Can do attitude”

Today I'm reluctant to run and play with my kids - I'll get on the floor and wrestle with them, or play catch, but I immediately decline any aerobic play activities...because I've developed a "can't do" attitude...I know I don't have much stamina, and don't like being harshly reminded of it by being out of breath. This is changing - only 2 1/2 weeks into the program, I'm able to do more than before...walking up to the 4th floor of FM7 isn't as tiring as it was before. I can see a version of me (that's not too far away) where I don't feel self conscious about running and playing because I know that I CAN do it. Similarly, I see myself getting my body back into a shape that DOES fit into amusement park rides...so I'm not reluctant to get in line for a roller coaster, dreading the humiliation of not being able to fit into the seat.

Physical health:

I think I've addressed "potential" above, more or less...and I don't have mobility issues as such (other than stamina)...but "free from ailment" resonates with me. I want to hear my doctor tell me that it's time to stop taking blood pressure medication...and decide that I only need to have annual exams, not quarterly ones. Seeing myself as a person who doesn't have self-inflicted ailments (today, all my medical issues spring from my weight)...that's a nice thought.

Sense of wellbeing

This one sneaks up on you. Since reading superhero comic books as a kid and becoming aware of Arnold Schwartzenegger back when he was the greatest body builder ever, I've wished that I could look like that...maybe not to the extremes of professional body builders, but to be able to take off my shirt and not feel self consious...and to have some definition. I've never had a problem with being a "big guy"...and as I mentioned in my external blog, what I really want is to be big AND lean...because it's a body image I've always wanted, and coincidentally will give me a metabolism that enables me to eat more of the foods I enjoy.

So...big and lean...proud of not just how I look, but more importantly where I'm at in terms being in control - even today, I'm more comfortable with my weight and self-image...I'm not much leaner than I was 2 weeks ago, but I know that I'm heading in the right direction. And that's an important difference. All of that adds up to a general feeling of...satisfaction. I've said for years now, that each of us is solely responsible for our current state...I'm where I'm at now because of the cumulative sum of lots of decisions over the course of 43 years. I'm enjoying the subtle difference I feel internally, knowing that every day I'm making decisions that actively improve my wellbeing. It feels good.

Perception matches reality

I read once that lots of overweight men convince themselves that they carry a lot of muscle...that THEIR weight, unlike everyone else's, isn't an accurate indicator of their own health. To a certain extent, I'm guilty of that. It's true that I have a lot of "lean body mass" (200lbs of me is not fat)...and as a result, I'm going to be a big person even when I'm at a healthy weight. But being a naturally big person isn't the same as not being fat. I'm sitting at roughly 35-36% body fat. That's double a healthy number for someone my age and sex. So every time I told myself that I was just a "big guy" or that my BMI didn't fairly represent my health, I wasn't being completely honest. Those are half-truths at best. When I hit my target body fat percentage (17%) I'll be able to honestly say that I'm big, fit, and an exception to the rule of BMI. Until then, I'm just another fat guy :). I look forward to being big and lean.

Ok...that about does it for my homework assignment. Now on to the fun stuff...FOOD!

My wife and I haven't done a lot of interesting cooking over the last week...but we did make something that I thought was worth passing along. I've been watching my nutrition summary on the bodybugg website and have noticed that I'm consistenly waaaay over on my fat intake. In response to that, I've made a couple of changes - started cooking with no-stick spray, for one...and also planning to buy a spritzer for use with olive oil. Anywho...the other thing I did as an experiment was to make a lean version of Ratatouille, a traditional French dish of stewed squash, peppers, and eggplant:

Roasted Ratatouille (measurements are from memory...but precision isn't really necessary for this)

1c Zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1 medium Onion, sliced into wedges
1c eggplant, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
4 cloves garlic, chopped*
1 T extra virgin olive oil 1 can diced tomatoes (buy a low-sodium brand if you can find it)
1 red bell pepper, cut into 1/2inch dice
1 T chopped basil
1 T capers
Salt and Pepper to taste
1 T red wine vinegar

Method:

1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees
2. Combine the zucchini, onion, and eggplant in a bowl
3. Season with salt & pepper and add the olive oil - mix with your hands
4. Spread the veggies on a baking sheet or roasting pan (don't overload the pan - you may need to make several batches) and roast until the veggies get a little bit browned and tender (10 minutes, more or less)
5. Transfer the roasted veggies into a large bowl
6. Add the remaining ingredients to the bowl and combine
7. Eat**

Notes:

* Fun food fact: Vegetables in the onion family (garlic, for example) have enzymes inside their cells that, when released, increase the intensity, or "hotness" of their flavor. So...if you like the flavor of garlic (or any other onion) but don't like that flavor to be overpowering, there's a simple secret...the more you cut it, the stronger the flavor will be. Like a really strong garlic flavor? Chop! Want something milder? Just slice the garlic. Milder still? Roast it whole. The same is true when cooking with onions.

**Ok, I made the ratatouilli, now what do I do with it? This is great when served as a vegetable, as a pizza topping, over rice, or (my favorite) as a sauce for pasta or polenta. The most common use on my dinner table is pasta with ratatouille and some grilled chicken or shrimp.